Hello, dear readers! It’s Louisa Loveluck, and today we’re diving into a topic that can feel like a sudden thunderstorm in the world of relationships – that moment when it seems like your boyfriend might be harboring some negative feelings.
You’ve been in a good relationship for a while, and you thought everything was going well until your partner’s behavior changed so drastically that the only question you could ask yourself each night was, “Why does my boyfriend hate me?” Because he has transformed into both Jekyll and Hyde, it’s a leg to stand on. Three weeks ago, you were the love of his life. Now, he can’t stand you. So, what transpired?
Well, he may hate you, but not in the way that you think he does. Hate is a strong emotion, and there are times when it manifests as hate when people internalize feelings like hurt, anger, sadness, and frustration.
It’s not that your partner hates you, in other words. He doesn’t know how to express the emotions he feels. The only way you can describe this negative energy, which you can only pick up on because you’re not a mind reader, is as hate.
It’s important to find out exactly what’s going on before drawing any conclusions, though. The good news is that I’ve done the majority of the hard work for you and come up with seven reasons why your boyfriend might hate you.
Why Do I Feel Hated By My Boyfriend
The headline doesn’t say “Why do I think my boyfriend hates me?” but “Why do I feel like my boyfriend hates me?” Because women are emotional beings who follow their feelings.
Therefore, in a relationship, you usually feel something wrong before the problem becomes apparent.
You can probably pinpoint the exact moment when the relationship started turning sour because you felt it. Intuition is when you think something without thinking it through.
Your boyfriend’s feelings hadn’t yet started showing through his actions, but deep down, you knew something wasn’t quite right because you could sense hateful feelings.
So now, you want to find out exactly why your boyfriend has suddenly developed this hatred for you.
Why Does My Boyfriend Hate Me? 7 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Might Hate You
Your boyfriend didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to hate you. Something happened that made him feel this way. Here are 7 reasons why your boyfriend might hate you:
1. You’ve Done Something Wrong
Because of something you did, your boyfriend might hate you sometimes. Let me show you a few examples. It’s been a year since you cheated on your boyfriend.
You went out with some friends, got drunk, and then gave another guy a real kiss. What’s wrong is that the guy you met at the club was your ex-boyfriend! Your high school crush that you never got over.
Even though your boyfriend was hurt, he was able to forgive you, and you’ve both been able to put the incident behind you. But he’s starting to think about it again lately.
He’s starting to wonder if he made the right choice staying with you because it’s starting to get to him. He did say he would never bring it up again when he decided to forgive you, that much I know.
But emotions are unpredictable, and if he hid his feelings about the situation instead of dealing with them, there will be some emotional triggers, which is what he’s going through right now.
In a different situation, you might have changed because you got your dream job. Suddenly, you have to stay out all night for work.
People at work who are now men call you when you’re with your boyfriend. It’s also possible that your partner feels ignored because you’re too busy with your new job to spend time with him.
In both situations, it would be better if your boy just let you know how he feels rather than acting like he hates you. The problem is that some men are not good at controlling or expressing their emotions. Boys don’t tell their friends how they feel. This is what they show. He expresses his love for you in the same way that he expresses his anger toward you by shutting you out.
2. He Sees You as a Hindrance
Understanding how people change is important. It was unclear to him what he wanted to do with his life when you first started dating.
You were okay with that because you both worked in dead-end jobs and had very little ambition. He was working in a dead-end job.
Now that he’s found his passion after dating for a few years, he wants to work hard to reach his goals. Instead of hanging out with me in front of the TV after work, he’s up there working on his biggest dreams.
Every thirty minutes, you’re in his face, and you find it hard to adapt to his new character. Due to his inability to concentrate, he chooses to visit the library after work instead of returning home. He notices that he makes a lot more progress when you’re not there because he can focus without you distracting him in the library.
He doesn’t know how to handle the situation because he now sees you as a barrier to realizing his goals.
3. He’s Interested in Another Woman
Your boyfriend may have “the grass is greener syndrome.” The grass is greener syndrome, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow, is when a person is unhappy with what they have because things look better with someone else on the surface.
The grass is greener syndrome is really about being unsure of who you are. Klapow says that social media doesn’t make things better. Our time puts everyone’s lives on full display.
So, if all of his friends are posting pictures of their perfectly cooked dinners every night in their minimalist-looking apartments, he’s going to start feeling resentful toward you if you’re not giving him what he wants but thinks he’s found in someone else.
The other woman and your boyfriend are just friends right now, but it’s clear that they like each other. Two people play the best versions of themselves when they like each other.
So when he goes to see this other woman, her house is immaculately clean, smells like freshly baked bread, and always has a meal ready. He only smells McDonald’s fries when he comes to visit, and you’re a little bit messy. Because he can’t stop thinking about how comfortable he is at the other woman’s house, he becomes agitated when he’s with you.
He doesn’t know she’s a total control freak, and if they were in a relationship, he’d lose his freedom. It’s not uncommon for a man to leave his partner for someone else, only to find that the grass wasn’t greener after all.
4. You’ve Just Told Him You’re Pregnant
It should be a very happy and joyful moment when you tell your partner you’re expecting a baby. Such an announcement can backfire if the pregnancy wasn’t planned and your boyfriend doesn’t feel ready to raise a child.
Because he didn’t want to upset you, he might have pretended to be happy when you first told him. The thought of becoming a father, however, now that he has had time to process the information, tastes bad.
He now sees you as someone who is about to take away his freedom once the baby is born, which will alter his life.
5. He Thinks You’re Too Friendly With Other Men
Yep! Your man is jealous of your friend’s hips with other males. Even though you were friends with these guys before you started dating your boy, you introduced them to him.
You’ve told him you’re just friends, and his picture is all over your social media accounts. Still jealous of him! Why? He may struggle with low self-esteem. Especially if your friend males are alpha males with good careers and, to top it off, not bad-looking! Your boyfriend isn’t going to admit that he’s jealous because it would make him look stupid.
Instead, he’ll lash out by giving you the silent treatment men or get mad at you for no apparent reason. Pay attention to when he starts acting mean toward you to see if jealousy is the reason for his behavior. I can guarantee that it will be when he learns you’ve socialized with an alpha male friend.
6. He Might Be Suffering From a Mental Illness
A change in your partner’s behavior can be brought on by mental illnesses like narcissistic personality disorder, traumatic personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder.
When you first met, things may have been fine because the condition was either dormant or something triggered red. Or he went through a traumatic event, like a car accident or a family death, and the disorder has grown over time.
But if your boyfriend is a narcissist, this change in his behavior is not uncommon. Michael Quirke, a psychologist, says that narcissistic abuse happens in three stages. He is very nice, romantic, and caring during the love bombing stage. You thought he was the perfect man, a dream come true, and that life couldn’t get any better at one point in your relationship.
But the point of this stage is to make you want him more and more. He starts to be mean when he knows you’re hooked on his love. We refer to this age as the devaluing one. He will lie to you, steal from you, call you every name in the book, and make you feel incredibly insecure while making you think it’s your fault.
The last stage is the stage of throwing things away. You have nothing left to give at this point because he has worn you down so much. He’ll end the relationship because you’re not used to him anymore.
7. He Has a Substance Abuse Problem
Men’s substance abuse may not have been a problem at the start of your relationship, similar to mental illness. He wasn’t even known to have a problem. It was fine for you to drink a few drinks on the weekends.
But he’s started having big mood swings recently. Money is going missing from your bank account, as you have noticed. You’re taking money out of your credit cards, but the bills aren’t getting paid.
These are all telltale signs that your boy friend may be abusing a substance. When he wants drugs or alcohol, he experiences mood swings, and money is going missing so he can buy what he needs.
Signs Your Boyfriend Might Hate You
The way your boy has been acting lately is the reason you suspect he hates you. Here are 5 of the most common signs that your boyfriend doesn’t really hate you:
1. He Makes You Feel Insecure
Men are infamous for feeling insecure about the way they look. The media constantly shows a beauty standard that most females can’t make sure they meet.
It’s difficult to appreciate what you see in the mirror after years of conditioning. Different women deal with this differently. They take these feelings of insecurity into their relationships. Even if you don’t say it, it’s not difficult for your boyfriend to figure out what parts of your body you don’t like.
You might refuse to wear a bikini while on vacation, refuse to let your partner see you without makeup, or insist that the lights be turned off during sex. He always complimented you when you first got together because he wanted you to feel confident. But now you can see that he’s doing everything in his power to make you feel bad about yourself.
They used to love the dress because it showed off his bootylicious curves, but now it makes you look fat. Or it’s no longer acceptable to hang out at home without makeup. He’ll even go so far as to tell you that without a full face of makeup, you don’t look attractive.
2. He Gets Angry Over Nothing
When there was a problem, you and your boy rob used to sit down and talk about it calmly and logically.
Lately, though, you just can’t get anything right. He’s always grumpy, and when you ask him if there’s anything wrong here, he says he’s fine even though it’s obvious that there is.
He gets angry with you because you didn’t salt the rice enough a few minutes later! Spending time trying to figure out what’s wrong—maybe he’s sad? You might not know about his money issues. Or is his man age putting a lot of pressure on him at work?
Your relationship is being negatively impacted by his rob, and you’re starting to wonder if you’re the issue. He has issues, though. It’s a sign that a man’s love for you has cooled and he wants out of the relationship when he starts picking fights and getting angry over nothing.
In general, men who are in a real relationship like this are cowards; he doesn’t have the guts to dump you, so he acts crappy in the hopes that you’ll get tired of him and end the relationship.
3. He’s Stopped Making an Effort
Another sign that your boy hates you is that he’s trying to be a friend. He’s letting you know that he has no desire to keep this relationship going because he’s literally reached the point of no return.
He always has something else planned when you try to make thin arrangements to meet up. He spends the whole time playing video games when you two are together.
You always call him because he never does. When he finally answers the phone, he only says one word, sits quietly, and makes excuses to hang up.
4. He’s Stopped Including You In Future Plans
You guys were planning your wedding a few months ago. It was very clear that he wanted to build a life with you, even though he hadn’t asked you to marry him.
You spoke about getting married, where you wanted to live, how many children you wanted, and even what names you would give your kids. Every time he spoke about the future, he made sure to include you because he was so excited. But lately, that excitement seems to have vanished into thin air.
These days, he finds a million reasons not to talk about where the relationship is going. Sometimes he slips up and says, “When I get married…” instead of “When we get married…” He’s changed his mind about committing to that version of his future, which is the reason he’s stopped talking about it with you in it. No longer are you a part of the life he now imagines.
5. He’s Stopped Defending You
Men tend to be protective, but they don’t always do that. The things they love and feel belong to them are what they protect. Let’s say the people in your boyfriend’s family have never liked you.
Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because some men come from families that are too protective, and even Mother Teresa wouldn’t be good enough. When you get together on special occasions and his sister, brother, or mother makes a mean comment about you, your boy men are quick to defend you.
But you’ve noticed that the last two times you’ve been here, he’s let them type all kinds of slick comments at you. When you try to defend yourself, he cuts you off and tells you not to make any problems, which only serves to make matters worse.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Hates You?
You need to find out what’s going on as soon as you can because feeling like your boyfriend hates you is not a good place to be. What you should do in this situation is covered in these few tips.
Talk to Your Boyfriend
You can only find out what’s going on if you have a direct conversation with your boyfriend’s friend. He may not be in the right frame of mind to talk, so getting him to open up will be difficult.
To find the right time, which you will only know when it is, is crucial. Before you even start talking, don’t be defensive or argumentative. That way you won’t get anywhere.
Relationship expert Graeme Butler recommends that you start the conversation on a positive note, let go of your need to be right, and pay attention.
It’s in your best interest to let him talk even if you don’t agree with what he’s saying because you are the one who feels violated and you want to know what you did to make him feel this way.
Suggest Going to Relationship Therapy
You might need to see a therapist if you’ve tried talking to your boyfriend but don’t feel the conversation has helped.
Finding a solution faster with the help of a trained third eye is possible if you have two people in the situation. The therapist will help you understand what went wrong in the relationship and provide you with a fresh viewpoint to take into account.
The boyfriend will agree to outside help if he wants the relationship to work. If not, it’s time to move on to the next age.
Take a Break From the Relationship
The last option should be to break up with the relationship. To get things back on track or to give you and your boyfriend some time to think about whether you want to end the relationship, it may be necessary.
Some men don’t feel very good about expressing their feelings, as was already mentioned. They will change their behavior instead. It’s possible that your partner wants to break up with you but doesn’t want to hurt you.
By suggesting that you both take a break from the relationship, he may feel better. Or, your absence might make him see the error of his ways, and he’ll run back with a heartfelt apology.
Red Flags In The Relationship (When Things Start To Become Abusive)
As you’ve read, there are some reasons why your boyfriend hates you. But voicing his opinions or ignoring you is acceptable, but becoming abusive is not, regardless of what you’ve done.
You will also learn that abuse is not always physical. Many survivors of domestic violence say it started as emotional abuse before progressing to physical abuse. The following red flags are warning signs that abuse has started to enter your relationship:
1. He Tries to Isolate You
Assaulters want to have complete control over their victims, and one way they do this is by cutting them off from their family and friends. Isolation is a carefully planned process. He won’t outright say that you should stop seeing your loved ones.
But he’ll start tricking you into thinking they don’t have your best interests at heart. The goal here is to get you to distance yourself so that you won’t see him as an adversary.
He will look for chances to demonstrate that you can’t trust them, for instance. Say it’s your birthday and you want to do something fun with a group of friends.
One of them calls to say they can’t make it, and they have a good reason for doing so. Your boyfriend will use that as justification and say something like, “What type of friends do you have?” If she loved you, she’d cancel her appointment and make sure she was available to celebrate with you.
He’ll get so into your head that you won’t realise you have anyone else but him, which is exactly what he wants.
2. He Is Becoming Disrespectful
An important thing in a relationship is respect. Your partner should make you feel safe, appreciated, and in love. Even if you don’t agree on everything, respecting each other means you know how to talk to each other in a way that shows you care about their feelings, wants, and needs.
Disrespect, on the other hand, is a direct way of saying, “I don’t care about your feelings, needs, or desires, and even if you tell me you’re not happy with how I’m treating you, I’ll continue.” Consider these signs of disrespect:
- He blatantly looks at other women when you’re in public.
- He criticizes you in front of his friends.
- He keeps asking for sexual favors he knows you’re not comfortable with.
- He looks through your phone when you leave the room.
- He discusses your personal business with his friends
3. He Starts Demanding Sex
As it gets closer to sex, abusive boyfriends can get really rough. It’s just another way of wielding power in the relationship. Demeaning men mean that he will either refuse to take no for an answer or keep asking until he gets it.
Alternatively, if you say no, he will make you feel bad and call you names. Just that… consenting. Your partner has no right to demand something of you if you are not in the mood.
Because he doesn’t want to put pressure on his girlfriend, a boy who respects his friend is willing to wait. Plus, he wants her to have a good time.
4. Everything is Your Fault
Of course you feel like something wasn’t your fault sometimes. But abusers won’t take ownership of any fault; every thin is someone else’s fault. It’s yours.
It’s your fault when he screams in your face. It’s your fault if he maxes out the credit cards. His failure to pay the bills on time is your fault.
It’s your fault if he arrives late to his best friend’s wedding. You probably understand my point here, I’m not sure. At the start, you’ll surrender to the accusations; at times, you might even convince yourself that it was your fault!
But after a while, it will become redundant, and when you start defending yourself, he will increase the abuse.
5. Unrealistic Expectations
There is nothing wrong with having expectations in a relationship, though. You may unintentionally allow people to treat you poorly if you don’t know what you want.
It can be a problem, though, when your boyfriend expects you to meet someone with unrealistic expectations. Let’s say your boyfriend is the traditional type and expects you to stay at home and take care of the house while he goes to work.
But when you met, you were a successful working woman, and you want it to stay that way. In the beginning of the relationship, he didn’t mind, but now that you’ve moved in together, he expects you to cook, clean, and run the house while he does nothing. He refuses to give in and is determined to wear you down.
His expectations have become unrealistic when you start to feel worn out by what your boyfriend wants from you and your pleadings fall on deaf ears.
6. He Gets Physical With You
Intense physical contact doesn’t always mean he hits you hard enough to knock out your teeth. However, he can also express physical aggression in other ways, such as by squeezing your arms tightly, grabbing your hair, covering your mouth to stop speaking, pushing you, or not letting you move.
When the men start trying to physically dominate you, run a mile. Don’t even think about it; if a man thinks it’s okay to put his hand on a woman, you’re dealing with a very dangerous person.
Feel bad about his behavior, but try to believe it was an isolated incident. Without delay, pack your bags and leave, before the situation escalates into full-on domestic violence.
Conclusion
Sudden changes in your boyfriend’s behavior may stem from various factors. The key is to approach the situation with empathy, open communication, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives.
Remember, relationships have their storms, but navigating them together can lead to stronger bonds and clearer skies ahead. Stay strong, lovelies! 💖⛈️