Hey there, fabulous readers! It’s your relationship whisperer, Louisa Loveluck, and today we’re delving into the intriguing realm of the hero instinct – that primal urge within men to be a hero and protect the ones they love.

You want your man to always be there for you. You want a stable relationship that feels as exciting as it does to men and steadfast commitment.

How do you picture your ideal man now that you’ve said that? Does he seem strong and sure? Courageous and determined? Do you think he stands up for his beliefs without fear or question? Is he just as confident and kind?

Finding their own version of Prince Charming is a dream for many women. It shows up in real life as the hero instinct. The natural instinct of man is to defend the people he loves in daily life.

This man is self-assured, confident, and intelligent; he takes good care of both himself and his family with ease.

The top priority in his life is maintaining his relationship with you. He wants to keep you safe and happy, and he’ll do everything in his power to make that happen.

How do men get their hero instincts?! Do biological factors play a role in everything? Do some men promise to stay with you longer than others? Could it be that other psychological factors are at play? How does this instinct relate to romantic relationships, though? Allow us to begin.

What Is the Hero Instinct in Men?

The hero instinct refers to men’s natural need to feel important and valuable to their romantic partners.

This concept in relationship psychology suggests that men have a basic instinct to care for and protect their partners, which can be triggered by specific actions and behaviors of their partners.

Men can feel the hero instinct and increase feelings of love, commitment, and loyalty in a relationship by expressing gratitude, seeking advice, and letting the man take the lead.

Dating and relationship expert James Bauer says that when a woman turns on this drive, a man can’t stay away from her. He simply adores her. He starts to secretly love her when this happens. In his life, she becomes the most important thing.

As a result, the hero instinct also refers to maximizing the advantages of testosterone. Although “masculinity” is a fairly broad concept, it usually refers to the behaviors, roles, and expectations that are associated with men.

In normal society, this means being strong, brave, and calm. They are the type of man who can handle anything with ease. He is a capable individual. He naturally knows how to help people.

How to Trigger a Man’s Hero Instinct

For a man’s hero instinct to come out, you need to do things that make him feel important and needed in the relationship.

Expressing appreciation for his work, recognizing his advice and opinion, and letting him know the lead in decision-making and problem-solving are some ways to activate this instinct.

Additionally, showing appreciation for his masculinity, asking for his help, and praising his strengths and skills can help trigger his hero instinct.

Here are some simple ways you can trigger the hero instinct.

1 Compliment Him Often

Men love compliments, but new research indicates that they are less likely than women to receive such praise. Additionally, women are less likely than men to compliment each other.

Sadly, this is happening. Let’s all be flattered. Compliments make us men feel special and valued. When you’re dating someone, a compliment is an easy way to let the man know that you think they’re really special.

Therefore, make an effort to compliment your man. If you want this praise to make a difference, be specific!

You could say, “I love that shirt on you,” instead of “You look nice today.” It makes your muscles look great!Try saying, “I loved dinner tonight,” instead of “You’re such a good cook.” I haven’t had a decent steak in a long time.

As a caveat, make sure your compliments are sincere and appropriate for the context. Offering too much praise is not helpful. Furthermore, you don’t need to add to his problems when he’s having a rough day and simply wants to be left alone.

Overly glowing praise may come off as dishonest. Additionally, it might make someone feel squished.

2 Praise Him in Front of Others

Complimenting your man is important for making your man feel treasured. Therefore, you should actively strive to let him know how much he means to you often. Subsequently, when you praise him in front of others, he’ll feel like a million bucks.

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We all have egos, and we all want them to be stoked. So the next time you’re out with family or friends, think about how you can brag about your partner. 

Of course, context is key. You don’t want to randomly insert praise when people are talking about an entirely different subject. This action can come across as awkward and desperate. 

But if someone else starts mentioning a relevant topic, throw in a line about how proud you are of your man. Make it known that you value him and are always impressed by his hard work and intelligence.

3 Support His Goals

In a healthy relationship, both partners strive to be the best versions of themselves. You should both be working to improve yourself and prove your worth. Your relationship is likely to be better if you both work hard on this task.

It is very important that you support and encourage his goals. You must demonstrate that you have his back, even if he doesn’t complete believe in himself. You need to make it clear that you are confident in his ability to accomplish anything he wants.

You can accomplish this by asking him questions and showing an interest in his answers. You shouldn’t think you know what he wants to do with his life. Make it a point to check in often.

Lastly, don’t give feedback or point out regressions. It’s normal to experience setbacks when working toward a goal because progress isn’t always linear. Shaming him will only make him more resistant and distant; it may even trigger him to give up on his goals entirely.

4 Encourage Manly Moments 

Even if you don’t conform to traditional gender roles, most men like to feel strong and protective. They want to be their own hero for you and those who matter most to them.

You can activate this complex in simple ways, like asking him to:

  • Pick up or move heavy items.
  • Open a stubborn jar.
  • Fix something that breaks.
  • Help with manual labor around the house.
  • Grabbing something that is out of your reach.

You don’t need to go overboard on this one. But letting your man help you will likely bring him immense satisfaction and boost his self-esteem.

5 Ask for His Opinion

It’s a good idea to regularly ask your man about his thoughts or feelings on certain issues. For one, it shows that you value his input. Moreover, this action helps you become a more collaborative couple.

Men want to feel like their opinions matter. If you consistently make executive decisions without them, it can breed resentment and frustration. They may feel like you don’t really care about their needs. At the same time, they might default to assuming you always know what’s best.

So, focus on more inclusion. And with that suggestion, aim to implement his opinions when making decisions. After all, if you seek help and then never take it, that will only cause him to feel annoyed or confused. 

6 Embrace Old-Fashioned Moments

You are strong and capable of taking care of yourself. And while embracing your independence is crucial, something must be said about occasionally letting your man be a gentleman.

Do you give him opportunities to act romantically or chivalrously? For example, will you let him carry your bag or open the door? Can you give him the groceries to hold as you leave the store?

Even if they feel small or insignificant, these moments can matter. They help men feel like they are needed, and that helps elevate their self-esteem.

7 Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable

To avoid having others take advantage of us, we frequently put on a strong front. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you might guard your emotions. This is a form of self-preservation that can stem from trauma or from problems in a relationship.

To activate the hero instinct, however, means being honest about the needs and feelings you have. You have to be willing to be open and honest, even if it scares you, to some extent. This takes courage.

Always keep in mind that the right partner will love you for who you are. It could be a big red flag if you feel shamed, rejected, or judged. You could be with someone who is childish or not mature. This is usually better found earlier rather than later.

If you’re normally strong and independent, vulnerability can be very special. An attractive woman will be even more impressed by a man who gets to see her more vulnerable side.

8 Embrace His Vulnerability 

A man’s hero instinct is more than just letting his masculinity run wild. Especially if he has trouble controlling his emotions, it means nurturing and respecting all of him.

Just think about it this way. Men usually think they have to do well to be worthy. But at the same time, research shows that 86% of men feel sure they need to be emotionally strong. A lot of them want to go above and beyond and make you proud, but they also have human feelings.

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So, if your man shows his emotions – whether that’s through crying, admitting fear, feeling embarrassed, or calmly expressing anger – it’s your job to play those emotions.

You don’t need to alter the way he feels about himself. To try and fix the problem, you don’t need a solution. You should remember that feelings are normal reactions that everyone has. Let him know that you are available to support him in any way he needs it.

9 Don’t Be Too Needy

At first, this suggestion may seem counterintuitive. After all, you just learned about the benefits of letting your man help you, embracing vulnerability, and asking his opinion.

But everything must exist in moderation. You can’t come across as helpless if you want a meaningful relationship. That creates an unequal, one-sided relationship. Instead of feeling empowered to support you, your partner will likely feel burdened.

That’s why it’s important to maintain your own independence. You should have your own activities, relationships, and priorities. Failing to maintain or neglect these once you enter a relationship- causes you to lose your identity. And nothing is more unattractive than a person with no sense of self.

Instead, it’s better to ask for support than nonstop help. Choose when you need help selectively. Give him the right opportunities to step up and shine- don’t expect him to do everything for you! 

10 Make It Known That You’re Happy

Nobody needs to play games in a healthy relationship. You don’t want to manipulate situations to make people act a certain way, and you don’t need anyone to guess how you feel.

So, be real. Be sure he knows you’re happy with him and the relationship. Think about how thankful you are a lot. Remind yourself of all the good things you like about him.

And don’t forget that being happy changes over time. It changes, but you can still try to find happiness and meaning in the things you two share, even when things are rougher.

11 Emphasize Your Commitment 

Don’t make it a secret about how you feel. If your man is the only one for you, let him know! Take opportunities to embrace your level of commitment.

Of course, you must be mindful of going overboard with this one. For example, if you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship, talking about how you feel like you’re soulmates probably isn’t appropriate.

Likewise, you wouldn’t want to tell someone you’ve never connected with someone so well on a first date. 

But once things become more serious, being honest with your intentions and feelings is helpful. When you love someone, let them know!

12 Respect His Boundaries

Having clear limits is an important part of any healthy relationship. You need your loved ones to respect everyone’s personal limits. If someone repeatedly breaks your boundaries, it will eventually trigger anger and erode trust.

When it comes to your man, what does respecting boundaries mean? For starters, it means giving in to his needs. Although no one is perfect, you must be willing to listen to them with an open mind. You may not always meet them.

For instance, if your partner needs space after coming home from work, respecting his work boundaries, you don’t question him as he walks in the door.

Always keep in mind that each relationship has its own set of boundaries. For instance, some couples may find it perfect to share their social media passwords. However, another couple might find that boundary to be invasive and constricting.

For everything to work, there needs to be regular, healthy communication.In terms of what is and isn’t acceptable, you both need to be of the same age.

What works best for one couple may seem strange to another couple, but that’s not the point. The key point is that you both acknowledge the boundaries and actively work to respect them.

13 Be Enthusiastic  

Some men may like chasing someone who plays hard to get. But that thrill is short-lived. Men stick around when women are eager to be with them!

We’re all at risk of acting on auto-pilot sometimes. But if this is consistently you, it’s time for a reality check. Show him why he’s special, and try to give him that attention!

If you both love physical affection, plan on cuddling him and making out tonight. Or, the next time you have sex, really psych yourself up for it. Get in the mood and try to pleasure him as best you can. 

Enthusiasm extends beyond physical needs. For example, consider planning out an elaborate date to a place you know he will love. Or, on your way home from work, pick up his favorite dessert randomly. Let him know that you were thinking of him!

Quality is usually more important than quantity. We’re all busy, and it’s unrealistic to be infatuated 24/7. But making genuine attempts to make him feel special will always be appreciated.

14 Give Him Your Undivided Attention

You can’t expect to unleash the hero instinct if you’re always distracted or bored. Likewise, if you don’t listen to him, he will feel like he doesn’t matter. 

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Make it a priority to be present in your relationship as much as possible. If you’re pressed for time, schedule conversations in advance. Setting aside five or ten minutes to catch up with one another can make a significant difference. 

Your man must know you’re engaged, listening, and attentive to him. He needs to know he can count on you. 

So, model active listening as much as possible. Put down your phone. Avoid interrupting. Limit external distractions.

If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. Reflect on what he says and integrate any feedback accordingly. The more you can show him that his needs matter, the more likely he will want to stick with you!

15 Know What Makes Him Feel Loved 

The idea of the “Five Love Languages” was created by Gary Chapman to help you improve your relationships with other people. Your love language refers to the way you feel most connected to others.

Like, some people value spending quality time with each other. Other people prioritize acts of service, like washing the car or doing the dishes. Receiving special gifts makes some people feel most loved.

There isn’t a right or wrong language, but you should know what language your partner speaks. You may know. To be sure, you can take the free online test.

Think about how to “play up” his love language as often as possible once you know it. Consider small, practical steps you can take to make his life easier, for example, if he loves doing good deeds. He might be doing an extra load of laundry or putting gas in his car.

Consider how you can increase your physical contact if he values physical affection. For instance, you might hold his hand while you run errands together or scratch his back while you watch a movie.

Also, it’s likely that you already know some specific things that make him feel loved. When you make a specific recipe, perhaps he gets very excited.

Another option is that he loves it when you do your hair and wear his favorite dress. He will feel valued and special if you make an effort to prioritize more of these enjoyable activities in your daily life.

Does the Hero Instinct Improve the Relationship?

It is not fair to assume that every couple benefits from the hero instinct because all relationships are unique. Every man has a unique need, and humans are incredibly complex.

Men and women both need to feel needed and important, though. Among their loved ones, they value feeling special. They need to know that their own strengths are important.

So, trying to follow your hero instincts won’t hurt. If you feel like your relationship is missing something, it might be worth trying to trigger. It might unlock new motivations for your man. It may also help you feel important and recognized.

What Are the Hero Instinct 12 Words?

According to James Bauer, a specific 12-word text is important for automatically triggering the hero’s instinct. But of course, this is just one coach’s experience; to find out what this mess really means, you’ll have to pay for his paid experience.

Remember, though, that you don’t need to make things too hard. In addition, quick fixes—even if they sound good—rarely exist in the context of a real relationship.

Things take time, so instead of focusing on fixing everything right away, work on creating slow, sustainable habits. Feel valued by your man.

Know that the relationship makes you happy. Make sure you stay true to each other and engaged. Make him feel needed as soon as possible. These goals will undoubtedly help your man feel special.

What is a Man’s Secret Obsession? 

Women won’t admit it, but men secretly love feeling like they can’t be replaced. They want you to feel like they are the only person who can understand you.

Other variables may partially meet this need at some point in time. He may feel strong at work, for instance. His friendships and family relationships may be safe. Even if he doesn’t, he probably has a hobby or passion that keeps men happy.

But compared to a woman, these variables are often insignificant. Contrarily, you begin by sharing your own needs before trying to understand his. He can feel like he’s earning and willing that love time and time again because you’re letting him please you.

You have activated a man’s secret obsession when he can feel like he is constantly falling in love with you. No one else will interest him. You’ve sparked his hero instinct, and he’ll want to protect, love, and cherish you without a second thought because it feels so good.

In the context of current romantic relationships, the secret obsession doesn’t just apply. After a breakup, some people discover that it is activated. The man understands that he needs to be with her only. Then, he usually makes sense of things and tries to get back into the relationship. When that happens, it’s up to you to decide what to do next.


Remember, lovelies, triggering the hero instinct in your man is not about diminishing your own strength or independence – it’s about celebrating his natural instincts and nurturing a deeper connection in your relationship.

By understanding and embracing his desire to be your hero, you can unlock a whole new level of intimacy and fulfillment in your partnership.

So, go ahead and unleash his inner hero – you might just be surprised by the incredible heights your love will reach! 💪❤️

By Louisa Loveluck

Hey there! I'm Louisa Loveluck, your trusted relationship advisor with over 7 years of experience. You might've caught my insights on relationships and more in Huffington Post UK. Thousands have already found guidance in my articles. Dive in for a transformative journey in understanding and navigating the complexities of relationships.