Hello, fabulous readers! It’s Louisa Loveluck, and today we’re delving into a topic that might hit close to home for some – understanding the signs that a guy might be pretending to be straight.

This is the beginning of my speech: being gay is fine. Homosexuality is still shamed and looked down upon because society hasn’t fully accepted it yet.

People who are abusive to women, homophobic, and watch gay porn may be signs that a friend, family member, or even your boyfriend is gay but pretending to be straight.

Some men are so worried about how their family and friends will perceive them as straight that they will lie about being gay or even marry a woman to hide it.

Anytime you’re not sure about a friend or family member, there’s no reason to worry.

Though, if the guy is your boyfriend or someone you want to date, you need to know the truth. A guy is pretending to be straight in 15 different ways.

Signs A Gay Or Bisexual Guy Is Pretending To Be Straight

A bisexual or gay guy who is pretending to be straight is typically homophobic, mistreating women, or watching gay porn. Continue reading to learn the sixteen signs that a guy is pretending to be straight.

1 He Is Abusive Towards Women

In heterosexual relationships, gay or bisexual men feel trapped. They aren’t trying to hurt anyone, but they live in a false reality because they are afraid of being judged.

They often hurt their partner emotionally because they’re trying so hard to hide who they are that they overdose on the good feelings. The woman starts to ask questions because she thinks something is wrong.

The men are never honest about how they really feel about being sexual, and they act like the woman is the problem. He is going to say that she is crazy and making things up.

If that doesn’t work, he’ll start insulting her sense of self-worth by saying things like, “If I were gay, it’s because you’ve turned me off to women all together!” You don’t take care of yourself and you’ve gained weight. “You’d make any man want to be with another man.”

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2 He Is Homophobic

According to research, most homophobic men are gay themselves but hide it because they feel bad about it.

Because they see the thing they hate about themselves in openly gay people, they call their fear “homophobia.”

There is also resentment because openly gay men have nothing to hide, but gay men pretending to be straight live a double life.

Being a man in this situation can be very stressful and bad for their mental health.

3 He Watches Gay Porn

If you catch him watching gay porn, he’ll try to worm and worm his way out of it by saying he clicked on the wrong link, a friend borrowed his phone, or it just showed up when he open his browser.

To try and get out of it, he will say anything. It’s pretty common for straight guys to watch gay sex because everyone has their own fetishes.

21% of the 821 men surveyed in one study said they watched gay porn. Still, gay men who are pretending to be straight don’t want to be connected with anything even slightly gay for fear of losing their cover.

4 He Has A Profile On A Gay Dating Site

If he wasn’t interested in men, why would a straight man have a profile on a gay dating site? There’s no reason for him to do this other than he wants gay sex.

Online dating has made it easier for gay men to meet up. If they want to meet men, they don’t have to go to gay bars or clubs; they can find one right in their own homes.

The issue is that he is pretending to be straight and deceiving the woman he is currently dating, not that he has a profile on a gay dating site.

5 He Always Notices good-looking men

Does he always notice men who look good? He only ever compliments a woman on her hair or clothes.

But he can’t stop talking about how good-looking the guy is when it comes to men. Besides that, he won’t just talk about a man’s good looks.

“I bet all the women are chasing after him,” he’ll say. Or, “He’ll make a good living modeling for Calvin Klein with a jawline like that.”

In this way, he acts like he didn’t notice how good-looking the guy was because he liked him.

6 He’s Never In A Relationship With A Woman

For some gay men, pretending to be straight is easier than going on a date with a woman they don’t feel attracted to.

Or, they prefer to stay single until they’re ready to reveal their sexuality because they don’t want to lie to anyone. The problem isn’t that this guy isn’t good-looking; he is.

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Whenever you’re out together, women shamelessly throw themselves at him, but he doesn’t do the same. He is never flirty or dances with them. He just says “no” and keeps going.

7 He Acts Weird Around Men

Being himself around men is hard for him because he doesn’t know what to do. He might say something inappropriate and let the cat out of the bag, so being himself is too risky. He may be quiet around other men, tries to avoid eye contact, and acts strangely in general.

8 He Is Always Talking About His Sexual Conquests

When men are with other men, it’s normal for them to brag about the women they’ve found sexually.

It shows confidence, and guys think a man is hotter the more women he sleeps with. It is not normal for a man to brag about sexual encounters with his female friends.

Your guy friend probably has something to hide if he has to tell you about every woman he sleeps with. The man wants you to think he’s straight so badly that he lies about the women he’s slept with.

9 He Is Overly Macho

Two things make your guy friend overly macho. In the gay community, men who act femininely don’t get as much attention as men who act masculine, even though he’s pretending to be straight.

Men will use the terms “masc” or “straight acting” to describe themselves on dating apps. Some of the things they list are how many times a week they go to the gym and other things that display their masculinity. In gay culture, masculinity is essentially a big deal.

In the “real world,” masculine men are not seen as gay either. The stereotypical gay man is a girly guy who wears eyeliner, makes big hand gestures, and talks in a high voice.

Everyone is shocked when a masculine man comes out as gay and will say things like, “He doesn’t come across as gay” or “He doesn’t look gay.” The easiest way for a gay man to appear straight is to act overly macho.

Does he overdo it in the gym, think violence is masculine, or is he just looking for thrills and is always looking for risky situations?

10 He Has No Male Friends

Several things make gay men and women great friends. Because women feel more at ease around gay men, they frequently have close relationships. They don’t need to worry about him becoming friends because he has other plans.

They really understand each other better because they aren’t afraid to be honest and open with each other. With a gay man, a woman can laugh, cry, and be as emotional as she wants without her actions being seen as attracted.

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Because there is no competition for men, women prefer to have gay men as friends. Straight men like other straight men, and lesbians like other lesbians. Gay men also prefer to hang out with women because they can express their feminine side without feeling judged.

11 His Sexual Fantasies

Has your man persuaded you that hearing you talk about him having sexual encounters with other men is just a dream? Dirty talk in the bedroom is normal.

If he had a range of unconventional fantasies, you might believe him, but it looks like gay sex is the only thing that turns him on.

12 He’s Into Butt Play

He’s let you know he’s into being penetrated because you’ve been in a relationship for a while and he feels comfortable with you.

He seems to prefer you penetrating him rather than him penetrating you, even though you know not all men who enjoy butt play are gay.

13 Some Of His Friends Are Secretly Gay

You know what they say: “Flocks of birds of a feather” Is there a friend or friends of his who are secretly gay?

He wants to see how you react, which is one of the reasons he talks about it openly. Are gay men pretending to be straight making you sick or interested?

14 Suspicious Conversations

Your man told you that he has gay friends, so you know for sure. It doesn’t matter to you if his friends are straight or gay.

However, there are a lot of covert conversations taking place when you get together.

It seems like they are always talking in code, whispering, and making long eye contact. In fact, you’ve noticed that he acts very girly when he’s with his gay friends since you started to think he might be gay.

When he laughs, he covers his mouth and crosses his legs. He slaps them with his flicked wrist. They feel good acting that way because they all know they’re gay. The only problem is that he doesn’t know you’re watching him all the time.

15 He Spends A Lot Of Time With One Friend 

To have an affair with another man, men are more likely to get away with it than women.

When he says he’s staying with Richards for the night because he’s too tired to drive home, his girl friend isn’t going to suspect anything.

But she doesn’t know that her boy friend and Richard have sex every time he spends the night.

So, if your boyfriend has slept over at a certain male friend’s house all the time, he may be having an affair with him.


It’s important to approach these observations with care and avoid making assumptions. Individuals may be on unique journeys of self-discovery, and their behaviors can be influenced by various factors.

If you suspect someone is struggling with their identity, fostering a supportive and non-judgmental environment can encourage open communication.

Remember, dear readers, embracing one’s true identity is a personal and often challenging process.

Let’s navigate these waters with kindness, understanding, and a commitment to fostering a world where everyone feels comfortable being their authentic selves. 💖🌈

By Louisa Loveluck

Hey there! I'm Louisa Loveluck, your trusted relationship advisor with over 7 years of experience. You might've caught my insights on relationships and more in Huffington Post UK. Thousands have already found guidance in my articles. Dive in for a transformative journey in understanding and navigating the complexities of relationships.